How to get past fear
"I feel in the present"
"The universe always has my back"
"What I believe is what I receive"
Three years ago if you had said any of the above statements in my presence I would have responded with the most magnificent eye roll. One of those eye rolls so big you're almost afraid you've permanently damaged your optic nerve, or at the very least, strained an important eye muscle. Even with the impending impediment (say that 5x fast) to my vision, I still would have rotated my eyeballs so far back it would have been comical.
But alas, I'm a totally new person. A more open minded, more spiritually curious version of my former self - or at least that's what I say to myself in the mirror.
The truth is I lived in a state of fear, a state of scarcity. For the majority of my life I operated under the assumption that there wasn't enough to go around. I lived with beliefs deeply ingrained from an early age. These beliefs resided so deep, in fact, I didn't even realize I had them.
It wasn't until 2020 with the sudden and unexpected closure of my brand new business that I spiraled into a state of panic and disbelief. A state of restlessness and unknowing. It was then that I was forced to look deep within myself to identify what my purpose was. It was as though I was suspended in time, hanging in midair, paralyzed, unable to choose a direction.
I started learning everything I could about online businesses. If I couldn't run my brick & mortar
I was determined to find another way to generate income. My journey quickly went from one of business strategy and marketing tactics to one of questioning.
Questioning my beliefs.
Questioning my spirituality.
Questioning what I actually stood for.
Striving frantically for a semblance of purpose.
I knew I was a mother, of course. A wife. But what was I outside of my family? Outside of my designated roles? What inspired me? What set my soul ablaze? Thoughts of my children growing up, spreading their wings, and leaving behind an empty shell of a woman who didn't know who she was, dominated my thoughts.
It was through spiritual exploration, energy work, meditation, and making myself answer the hard questions that I found some relief. I discovered some purpose.
Clarity is a beautiful thing.
I still have so much work to do. Sometimes I'm the token "hot mess". I lose my keys. I forget to respond to emails. I forget theme days at school. I'm late for doctor's appointments. Small triggers set me off and I question myself constantly. I still struggle with imposter syndrome.
But now I have tools and strategies I can use to find my way back to the intentional, purpose driven being I am supposed to be. The true me. The fulfilled me.
I recently read Gabby Bernstein's book, Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams. (The quotes at the beginning are Gabby's). I want to walk you through one of the exercises she recommends to readers using my own fears and vulnerabilities as examples.
It's about to get real up in here.
In chapter 1 Gabby outlines the "3 Step Choose Again Method". It goes something like this (and I'm literally copying word for word from my journal - I told you we're getting Brene Brown real over here).
Step 1: Notice the negative thought or fear by asking yourself "How do I feel right now?"
My journal entry: "I feel fear. I feel scarcity. I feel like my hard work isn't paying off. I feel like I'm doing the right things. I'm committed. I'm consistent. I try to remind myself how far I've come. Sometimes I feel like I'm a failure parading around in a successful person's false image."
OOF. Imposter syndrome, much?! That was hard to re-read and re-write.
Step 2: Forgive the thought - Gabby prompts her students to write "Thank-you for revealing to me what I don't want so I can clarify what I do want."
My journal entry: "I forgive myself for thinking this way. Thinking this way allows me to gain clarity on what I do want."
Step 3:Choose Again - Gabby encourages her students to choose a new thought that brings them a little closer to happiness.
My journal entry: "I am open to abundance. I am ready to choose again. I will focus on the progress I've made, my accomplishments, and those I serve."
Gabby doesn't include a step 4 (hence the title: The 3 Step Choose Again Method) but I added one more step. I like tangible action and I like strategy.
For step 4, I decided to write down short-term goals I can achieve this week.
My journal entry: "What can I realistically do to shift this negative belief?
After completing this simple exercise I felt better. I felt as though I had released my negative thoughts, addressed them, and came up with solutions that would help me move past them.
I know these beliefs will come back. I know I'm a work in progress. We all are.
I was inspired to write this hoping that my own struggles would resonate with yours and hoping that Gabby's method would be as useful for you, as it was for me.
If you'd like to grab a copy of Gabby's book, here's my affiliate Amazon link: https://amzn.to/3H3rQ78
If you read it or have already read it, let me know your thoughts. Maybe we can be "woo woo" buddies.
Remember, "The universe always has your back". 😉
Featuring articles from Joanie Johnson and Tanya Peterson.